I
was
young
when
I
realized
my
mother
didn't
want
to
be
a
mother

she
told
me
she
liked
a
boy
and
said
there
he
is
but
he
married
me

they
were
friends
friends
leaned
on
each
other's
shoulders
and
touched
each
other's
arms

the
cat
sits
in
the
sink
while
I
shower
it's
nice
to
have
company

maybe
she
was
mad
maybe
she
was
a
genius
maybe
it
didn't
matter

I
just
built
the
best
fucking
fire
I've
ever
built
in
my
whole
life

do
you
remember
love
how
every
bottle
in
spain
tasted
so
good

his 

subtlety 

became 

him 

like 

he 

was 

born 

with 

it 

like 

he 

was 

it 

it's
hard
to
not
feel
so
lonely
when
you
feel
so
very
much
alone

her
teacher
asked
her
what
she
was
thankful
for
and
she
said
her
ipad

the
house
smells
like
pumpkin
bread
and
wine
and
a
little
bit
of
love

I
held
my
baby
blanket
and
meditated
I
loved
the
way
it
smelled

I'm
menstruating
it's
a
new
moon
oh
universe
so
predictable

I
don't
want
to
sleep
tonight
and
I
don't
want
to
wake
in
the
morning

when
I
think
of
you
I
hear
Fleetwood
Mac
the
falling
snow
your
rustling
beard

I
was
just
thinking
of
the
song
bang
bang
but
the
way
cher
does
it
though

I'd
a
fire
going
all
afternoon
'twas
the
coziest
in
the
world

she
wanted
a
sister
a
friend
a
party
buddy
I
was
a
daughter

I'm
still
sad
my
love
that
you
left
my
favorite
wine
key
on
the
train

she
said
love's
a
series
of
positive
actions
she's
someone's
good
friend

I
found
myself
not
saying
anything
at
all
which
is
so
unlike
me

I
wanted
grape
vineyards
and
racing
horses
and
the
fuck
called
me
trite

love
will
keep
us
together
love
will
tear
us
apart
and
so
they
will

house
plants
that
I'd
had
for
years
and
years
died
and
now
I
really
miss
them

there's
a
freckle
on
my
ring
finger
that
my
wedding
band
covers
up

one
death
may
explain
itself
but
it
throws
no
light
upon
another

-e.m. forster, howards end

the
world
is
a
book
and
those
who
do
not
travel
read
only
one
page

-st augustine

the
regulars
brought
together
by
coffee
had
more
in
common
than
that

the
wind
is
knocking
down
the
tree
branches
so
that
I
might
build
a
fire

the
wind
is
howling
rattling
the
windows
trying
to
break
through
the
walls

I
want
to
tour
my
old
childhood
home
but
I'm
afraid
of
what
I'll
find

the
air
was
white
and
when
they
alighted
it
tasted
like
cold
pennies

-e.m. forster, howards end

he
doesn't
know
he
breathes
life
into
me
but
he
does
each
time
he
breathes

she
held
my
arm
as
we
walked
home
last
night
this
began
a
long
friendship

when
I'm
thinking
I'm
thinking
in
words
when
I
dream
I
dream
in
music

mt
st
helens
mt
hood
mt
rainier
the
blue
mountains
the
very
mountain

I
like
my
cat
so
much
better
when
I
think
of
her
as
a
vampire

I
just
broke
up
with
a
friend
it's
the
kind
of
hurt
that
freedom
feels
like

how's
your
book
he
asked
oh
you'd
hate
it
she
said
it's
dreadfully
english

I
imagined
many
poems
while
I
meditated
now
I've
forgot

he
said
imagine
a
comfortable
place
I
imagined
a
mountain

he
has
a
Harley
that
he
never
rides
I
can't
trust
a
man
like
that

you
are
not
powerless
you
have
the
power
that
makes
you
powerful

I
wrote
stories
about
the
photographs
and
imagined
all
their
lives

it's
the
past
a
single-minded
man
eyes
a
complicated
lady

I
remember
singing
all
the
mother
mother
songs
I
was
just
sixteen